It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
