I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
