1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
this boner is exhausting
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
