I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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