The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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