i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize