This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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