is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I supernannyed him into submission
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