the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
