k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Randomize
