The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
