You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
