She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize