Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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