She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
