Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
