I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize