So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
