I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
