Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
