Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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