The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
