dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
