so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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