Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize