I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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