i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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