Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize