sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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