I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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