talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize