Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
