I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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