Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Randomize
