the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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