Don't make out with my wife yet
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
