You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
