i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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