i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
