I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
