mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
