the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
