Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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