When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Are we still banned from the library?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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