My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
