I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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