last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
