he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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