In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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