If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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