We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
