I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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