Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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