I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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