I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
