i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Come on in and take your pants off
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