At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
