he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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