this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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