Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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