GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Damn victory sex feels great
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
