you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
