How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
