I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
This can only be settled by a dance off.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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