I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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