You just made me feel so damn special
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
