The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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