Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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