...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize