My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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