i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
