Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
