bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
