hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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