Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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