you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
