I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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