I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Two words: blizzard sex
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize