from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
