Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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