I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize