your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
