so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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