god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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