as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Drake has all the answers
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