Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
