Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
