I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize