When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
