i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize